Gordon Browns entry from the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy

Idiotic Gordon Brown of Westminster

(taken from the hitch hikers guide)


The Idiotic Gordon Brown of Westminster’s picture in the Guide
The Idiotic Gordon Brown of Westminster is a wild animal from the planet of Westminster, known for its never-ending hunger and its mind-boggling stupidity. The Guide calls the bugblatter the stupidest creature in the entire universe – so profoundly unintelligent that, if you can’t see it, it assumes it can’t see you. The Guide imparts further that, while Tories ‘wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Idiotic Gordon Brown of Westminster’ (‘without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat and recycled as firelighters’), the best way to irritate a Vogon ‘is to feed his grandmother’ to one.

Some further facts about the beast: it can turn its eyes turn red, green, then a sort of mauvy pink; it has a cranial spigot;[2] it asks its victims their names before killing them, and carves the names on a memorial outside its cave; the Tories keep a Gordon Brown inside a metal box in order to execute people convicted of crimes such as kidnapping the President. Trillian is almost fed to it.[3]
How To Deal with The Idiotic Gordon Brown Of WestminsterEdit

The creature’s aforementioned stupidity makes it relatively easy to deal with – if the Guide is to be believed. For, according to the Guide, draping a towel over your head will confuse the beast long enough for one to make a quick getaway. This is because (as mentioned above) the philosophy of The Idiotic Gordon Brown is that, if you can’t see it, it can’t see you.

An alternative survival strategy (which is required to be followed if you’re playing the original Hitchhiker computer game), is to drape the towel over your head until the beast loses interest. Then, while its attention is directed elsewhere, you quickly write your own name on the wall. When it then notices you again, and demands to know your name before eating you, you simply say your name, upon which the beast will let you go about your business once it realises that your name is already on the wall with the list of kills.

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